Very Personal Life of Church Planter:Sex

Last month my friend Rick Hunter gave me the honor of speaking to Renew South Florida, two cohorts of church planters in Miami and Fort Lauderdale, about the personal life of a church planter based on Redeemer City to City Incubator curriculum.  


But what about Sex and Finances?
As I settled back home in Atlanta, It concerned me that I had not talked enough about sexuality or financial issues. These are two significant areas of temptation and struggle that need to be addressed. 


So I wrote this as a letter to the men I had just met and sent it off to Rick to distribute to the Renew network. It's a bit long so I'm posting it in two parts. The second part is here.
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The Very Personal Life of a Church Planter

By Jim Moon, Jr.

In all the intense focus on prepping for the ‘Personal Life of a Church Planter’ training at the Miami and Ft. Lauderdale cohorts, I overlooked at least two topics that need attention. Sex and finances: two areas of character and skill development where readiness to plant a church needs preparation and attention. Perhaps these topics are old news to you or addressed in other training sessions, but I wanted to mention some important defense and offense to consider now.

About the Very Personal Sex Life of a Church Planter

When you start a church, or even begin to start a church, you are putting yourself, your spouse and your marriage (if you are married) in a highly exposed situation. Most all of this addresses married planters.

I won’t bother to count the number of pastors and church planters I know who are no longer in ministry because of sexual or emotional unfaithfulness or financial impropriety. These are two moral failings that will remove you from the field of battle immediately. God does forgive and the church can and should restore men who fall, but the direct consequence of a moral failing in these areas is removal from ministry for a season until (or if) the marriage survives and restoration made.

As a church planter you are highly stressed. You are working intensely. You will constantly feel insecure. You will fail in many small ways. Every idol you have will clamor for satisfaction. Everyone you know will have idols clamoring for your attention too. Sexual and marital purity is vital.

Especially because you work often and closely with women. You deal with emotions, demands and stress unlike anything you have experienced. And then you go and open the doors of a facility and invite the public. Now your life is open even more to temptation. I will spare you salacious details, but be warned the enemy of your soul and the church sends women to attempt to seduce you. I know too many stories.

So be ready to fight off anything and everything immoral and sexual that is not your bride.

She is your protection sexually. She is God’s ordained emotional and sexual protection for you alone.

Let me say this again: There is one and only one woman who can protect you, your God-given wife. Say that out loud to yourself. Seriously.

One way my wife protected me was to listen to me and realize how much I needed intimacy and sexual gratification while I was under stress and constant temptation. I had to go out on an emotional limb and fill her in on what I needed from her for protection. Do I need to be more specific?

If you and your wife have SO MANY demands on your life that your marriage is not healthy or you fail to make time for rest, or for sex, you can more easily be tempted and fall morally. This is a shameless plug for taking a Sabbath right here. TAKE A SABBATH. Or at least part of one!

What else should you do? I’m a list guy, so here goes…

1. Regularly repent from mini-moral failings. Your eyes will wander. Your flesh will lust. Women will dress immodestly (it’s South Florida) and you will look. Obviously try not to! It just gives your flesh more temptations to work through, but urgently and quickly prefer Christ’s forgiveness and run to the love of God which will satisfy you deeply. We pray ‘lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.’ Protection from sexual immorality is God’s concern for you.

2. Weekly accountability. Weekly talk with someone you trust to hear your confessions and preach the gospel to you AND who knows you well enough to challenge you. Have them ask a question like this, ‘Have you had inappropriate contact with a woman this week? in your mind or physically?’ Live meetings are better. Similar peer level season of life is helpful too.

This isn’t my first rodeo, I know you can you cheat on accountability. But in my life, I want accountability to protect me and just knowing I’m going to be asked that question causes me to pause and reconsider going down a temptation trail.

3. Learn to love ‘blinders’ and boundaries. Blinders are those leather cups worn beside the eyes of horses to prevent distraction and keep them looking forward. Develop blinders of discipline specific to your life, weaknesses and struggles about where you will not go, where you will not click, where you will not go alone. If you have struggled with internet porn, you need a specific set of blinders. If you struggle to keep your eyes pure when you are at the beach, you need a specific set of blinders. If there is a certain woman who causes you to be tempted, you need a set of blinders and boundaries. Seek out a mature Christian man to help develop specifics.

Make it a best practice to not be alone in private with a woman who is not your family. This protects from temptation and protects everyone’s reputation.

On those occasions, when you are unavoidably the last to leave an event or must give a ride to a young lady or woman in an emergency, call your wife and let her know the situation and when you will be home.

4. Gently and clearly let your wife know you need her help. She is the one and only person who can protect your heart and emotions from a myriad of temptations. And she is the only one who keep your sexual/emotional tank full.

So communicate humbly. Keep romancing her. And when you are too tired but needy, tell her that you need her help anyway. It seems wise to me to have your wife as part of all your sexual experiences, rather than just taking care of yourself. Thank her for protecting you and satisfying you. Be honest about how much you need her and when.

Single men. I know Jesus did ministry perfectly as a single man. And so did the apostle Paul. But honestly, I got married young so I have little to no experience as a single man. This is where I’m going to say find a wiser man to discuss this issue and I’ll shut up.

   

Abuse. If either one of you have been sexually abused, get help in order to heal. Seriously consider how this impacts God’s call for your lives.

Don’t tweet. Seriously, no need to tweet about this part of your life. I think it’s demeaning to your wife and your marriage, even if you say positive things about going on a date. Also protect your wife and other men from thinking about your wife. Let’s keep tweeting about ‘hot’ and ‘smoking’ only refer to barbeque. Really.  

Sexual intimacy in marriage is a very personal gospel issue. Your deepest idolatries and sins will fight the humility and honesty God has granted in the righteousness of Christ. Believe that you are worse than you want to admit but more loved than you ever dreamed. Right there is the key to loving God, loving your nearest neighbor and yourself.

Brothers, I hope this encourages you and leads to a fruitful life of loving and serving Christ and His church! Contact me if I can be of any help.

Suggested Action Items:

1. Do you have a solid accountability system for your protection? What can you do to improve it?

2. Have you and your wife had an open discussion about sexual temptation and the need for sexual and emotional protection in your marriage while planting? Read this together and discuss.

3. If the thought of sexual intimacy as a gospel issue causes you or your wife emotional discomfort, with whom can you speak to about this spiritual emotional issue?

Carson's Solemn Vows and Those Taken Before God Between Crosspoint Encuentro and Her Officers

Last Sunday April 3, 2011, I was part of the commission to ordain and install my friend Rev. Carson Pittman (front row, 2nd from left) as Associate Pastor of Atlanta Westside Presbyterian Church. 

As I read the vows on the screen behind Carson, as I heard Pastor Walter read them aloud, Carson could barely keep it together. His sincerity caused me to look into my own heart. I was struck by the depth and significance of these vows. Carson takes this so seriously and so should we all. He was moved to tears several times throughout the night. This man's overwhelmed state got to me. I'm an easy mark when it comes to Jesus and His church. 

I was not the only one moved by this holy moment. As the Westside congregation, a church I helped give birth to, I was equally moved by the depth and meaningful sincerity of the vows taken by the congregation. It took me back to the day in January 2007 when Crosspoint made these same vows. I too was moved to tears. 

And I am again as I write these words.

Church, this is deep.

God is calling forth a movement of His Holy Spirit in some new churches in Atlanta and He is crossing hereto seldom approached barriers. In these churches Jesus' gospel is all the good news that matters. Not race, not class, not ability, not looks, not power, not hipster coolness. Jesus is King. And He's awesome.

Sunday April 10, I will be referring to the following vows. Read them. Think about them. It may seem boring at first. But think of what this means.

Consider again (or for the first time) the covenant, the trust and the honor we have of being a church so loved by our Savior Jesus Christ and so well led by His Sovereign Kingship.

1. Vows Taken Before God by the Officers of Our Church and Declarations about Their Roles

  A. All Officers (Elders and Deacons) Take These Same Ordination Vows:

1. Do you believe the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, as originally given, to be the inerrant Word of God, the only infallible rule of faith and practice?

2. Do you sincerely receive and adopt the Confession of Faith and the Catechisms of this Church, as containing the system of doctrine taught in the Holy Scriptures; and do you further promise that if at any time you find yourself out of accord with any of the fundamentals of this system of doctrine, you will on your own initiative, make known to your Presbytery the change which has taken place in your views since the assumption of this ordination vow?

3. Do you approve of the form of government and discipline of the Presbyterian Church in America, in conformity with the general principles of Biblical polity?

4. Do you promise subjection to your brethren in the Lord?

(Book of Church Order Chapter 21 Paragraph 5 and Chapter 24 Paragraph 5)

  B. Teaching Elder’s Take These Distinct Ordination Vows:

1. Have you been induced, as far as you know your own heart, to seek the office of the holy ministry from love to God and a sincere desire to promote His glory in the Gospel of His Son?

2. Do you promise to be zealous and faithful in maintaining the truths of the Gospel and the purity and peace and unity of the Church, whatever persecution or opposition may arise unto you on that account?

3. Do you engage to be faithful and diligent in the exercise of all your duties as a Christian and a minister of the Gospel, whether personal or relational, private or public; and to endeavor by the grace of God to adorn the profession of the Gospel in your manner of life, and to walk with exemplary piety before the flock of which God shall make you overseer?

4. Are you now willing to take the charge of this church, agreeable to your declaration when accepting their call?  And do you, relying upon God for strength, promise to discharge to it the duties of a pastor? (BCO 21-5)

  C. Ruling Elders’ and Deacons Take These Distinct Ordination Vows:

1. Do you accept the office of ruling elder (or deacon, as the case may be) in this church, and promise faithfully to perform all the duties thereof, and to endeavor by the grace of God to adorn the profession of the Gospel in your life, and to set a worthy example before the Church of which God has made you an officer?

2.   Do you promise to strive for the purity, peace, unity and edification of the Church? (BCO 24-5 (#4 &6))

  D. At the conclusion of the Ordination of Ruling Elders and Deacons, the Following is Declared: 

I now pronounce and declare that ____________________ has been regularly elected, ordained and installed a ruling elder (or deacon) in this church, agreeable to the Word of God, and according to the Constitution of the Presbyterian Church in America; and that as such he is entitled to all encouragement, honor and obedience in the Lord:  In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.  Amen. (BCO 24-5)

  E. At the Ordination of a Teaching Elder, the following is Declared:

I now pronounce and declare that ____________________ has been regularly elected, ordained and installed pastor of this church, agreeable to the Word of God, and according to the Constitution of the Presbyterian Church in America; and that as such he is entitled to all encouragement, honor and obedience in the Lord:  In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.  Amen.  (BCO 21-7)

2. Congregations’ Vows Taken Before God at the Ordination of Officers:

  A. Vows Taken by Congregation in Receiving/Calling a Teaching Elder:

1. Do you, the people of this congregation, continue to profess your readiness to receive _________________, whom you have called to be your pastor?

2. Do you promise to receive the word of truth from his mouth with meekness and love, and to submit to him in the due exercise of discipline?

3. Do you promise to encourage him in his labors, and to assist his endeavors for your instruction and spiritual edification?

4. Do you engage to continue to him while he is your pastor that competent worldly maintenance which you have promised, and to furnish him with whatever you may see needful for the honor of religion and for his comfort among you? (BCO 21-6)

  B. Vows Taken by Congregation in Receiving Ruling Elders and Deacons:

Do you, the members of this church, acknowledge and receive this brother as a ruling elder (or deacon), and do you promise to yield him all that honor, encouragement and obedience in the Lord to which his office, according to the Word of God and the Constitution of this Church, entitles him? (BCO 24-5)

Homer Simpson Trend in Theology

(Thanks to Robin C in Alpharetta for this important link.)

"Doh!" appears to be the operative word in the Protestant church in the USA where theology is concerned.   Barna is reporting trends I saw early as a youth pastor to Baby Busters in the 90s.

In this first of six discussions of harmful and dangerous trends in the church, I'm going to let you know how the vision and mission of Crosspoint and Encuentro prepares to grow a healthy church, fight the trends and suggest these are ways other churches can too.

Theologically trained disciples led by theologically astute elders, deacons and leaders. The battle to be theologically literate starts and ends with church leadership. In this respect, we are purposefully counter-cultural and apparently rebels. Kinda funny. Theological training is retro? Oh well.

Crosspoint and Encuentro also value multi-generational ministry. We get a broader tapestry of wisdom, depth and knowledge as older men and women teach younger men and women. We aren't totally dependent on the charms of our photo-genetic pastor either. (Which is a good thing for more than one reason...)

Barna's report notes...

"What used to be basic, universally-known truths about Christianity are now unknown mysteries to a large and growing share of Americans--especially young adults. For instance, Barna Group studies in 2010 showed that while most people regard Easter as a religious holiday, only a minority of adults associate Easter with the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Other examples include the finding that few adults believe that their faith is meant to be the focal point of their life or to be integrated into every aspect of their existence. 

Further, a growing majority believe the Holy Spirit is a symbol of God's presence or power, but not a living entity. As the two younger generations (Busters and Mosaics) ascend to numerical and positional supremacy in churches across the nation, the data suggest that biblical literacy is likely to decline significantly. The theological free-for-all that is encroaching in Protestant churches nationwide suggests the coming decade will be a time of unparalleled theological diversity and inconsistency."

Crosspoint/Encuentro bucks this trend other ways too. We preach through books of the Bible so the theological concepts get taught. Though we speak in everyday language, we use and explain those big, theologically rich words like 'justification' and 'sanctification' so people learn theology. Two of our seven elders learned theology through our Theology for Ministry training module taught in small groups.

Here's a surprise maybe. People who have been in churches that do not teach theology want to know the details! I'm finding folks are hungry to know how things fit together. Offering the training to hungry people in non-traditional formats requires some changes in delivery methods, but the outcome is tremendous.

We are not the only ones working for theological literacy by any stretch. Our denomination (PCA) vigorously plants churches that are theologically grounded. So does Acts 29. Seminaries we love, like Reformed Theological Seminary, Covenant, Westminster and even many of the Southern Baptist Seminaries teach men and women well. And I should not forget that several campus ministries are quite theologically robust. RUF (Reformed University Fellowship), CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) and Campus Outreach graduate some sharp theologically trained students.

There is hope as leaders are trained that we can lead the church to theological literacy (and even vibrancy) in the future.

The question this raises in my mind isn't 'Are there enough theologically astute people in the Protestant churches in the USA?' The bigger question is this: Are there accountability structures that will weed out false teachers in the pulpits of our churches?

Trust me. If I (or any elder or pastor in our denomination) stray for orthodox Christian doctrines, I will be corrected and if I refuse to be corrected I'll be disciplined and removed from the ministry.

Accountability is the answer to this problem in the church. We don't need pastors who go free-lancing on theology.

Purposely Un-Hip Pastor?

I'm going on record today. I'm starting the 'un-hip' trend for pastors. You heard it here first. In fact I'm so un-hip I'm going to resist the urge to start a blog called 'Stuff Formerly-Hip Pastors Like'

I used to be cool. Wore odd clothes, weird hair, toured with a band, used all the 'rad' lingo. I was the bomb. Now I'm the punchline of my own jokes.

Yeah, laugh now you young hipster pastor-types with your made-up job titles (HT to Driscoll). Punks. I was sipping espresso when you thought a strong drink meant 'Jolt' cola.

As usual, I'm way out front on this trend. I sport a boring hairstyle. My music is now labeled 'classic' rock. I drive a sensible car. Students automatically call me sir. I actually have a plan to pay off my mortgage.

I'm old school by choice. I fought it for a while. But face the facts, I started in ministry before email and managed to keep up. My first church office phone had a cord, plugged into the wall. Voice mail was an upgrade. Cutting edge worship music was printed on overheads.

I'm experienced enough to know that all the twitter, blogging, Facebook followers, new music, awesome graphics, tattoos and louder, cleaner audio won't make you a better pastor. Nor will it make your church any more biblical. Been there. Done that. Got the drawer full of T-shirts.

Be Un-Hip My Brothers
We are doubly responsible for how we live and what we teach. Love God, read His Word, obey Him, pray. Ask Him to break your heart over the lost and the least. Keep your word. Be consistent. Repent frequently.

Keep your eyes on your wife and no other woman. Grow old in honor. Aim to be married in 40 years to the same woman and for your kids to love Jesus and raise godly grandchildren. Take Sabbath rest every week. Be honest and accountable. Be the real deal to your children because when they become teenagers, they'll know if this hip cool thing is fake.

And most important: Do the simple things that Christ did when He was here. Pray. Be physically present with people on their turf. Pour your life into leaders who will pour their lives into other leaders. Be Biblically-driven. Be humble. Revel in your relationship with Our Father.

The Goal isn't how cool you can be or how many hip people you reach. The goal is this: to make Jesus Christ more famous, more valuable, more weighty in the hearts of the people God gives us to pastor.

And if we get a 'Well done! good and faithful servant' from the One who deserves all the glory, it's way better than we deserve.

How to Find a Trustworthy Pastor (and Church)

Finding a church is hard. Finding a reliable teacher of God's Word is vital!

I meet a lot of people who say they are looking for the right church. (And no, I don't try to persuade every one of them to join Crosspoint.) Finding a faithful preacher of God's Word is the key to finding a good church. Brilliant music, krankin' kid's programs and a great facility won't cut it if your heart isn't fed God's Word.

This strikes home often as I read one of my favorite blogs - I'm Speaking Truth- written and moderated by my good friend (who must blog anonymously so as not to suffer threats to his life and family). He exposes false teachers. He tries to get people to leave what he calls "pulpit pimps" and the "clubs" for the sake of saving their souls. He takes on the false prophets. He names names and says things only a man who was 'come off the plantation' could say. He's one of my heroes.

Highly recommended reading, especially for my evangelical Anglo brothers and sisters who don't get out of their theological circles much.

Two Resources for Finding a (True) Church and a (Reliable) Pastor
The topic of finding a church comes up frequently on IST. Chances are slim in our transient modern era that an adult Christian will never have to search for a church. So how should one go about finding a true church and a faithful pastor? You shouldn't just follow the crowd or take your friend's advice. Listen discerningly to sermons and examine church government (and accountability).

One resource for what to listen for is here in this article by a classmate of mine from grad school. It's a list of qualifying questions and description of what to look for in a biblical preacher or teacher. Solid stuff about sermon content and personal character.

"The Bible makes it clear that there are many unreliable carriers of so-called truth. Satan masquerades as an angel of light seeking to deceive. So we need a lot of biblical discernment here. Just because a teacher or preacher comes in Jesus’ name with a Bible under his arm doesn’t automatically mean he is reliable.

"Thankfully both the Bible and church history give us some direction here. So I want to provide you with a brief list of five questions (based on the five sola’s of the Reformation) that can help you discern the reliability of a particular teacher or preacher."

The second resource is part of a reply I made to a recent post on IST. It has to do with the importance of church government and pastoral accountability in finding a pastor. Here is an edited version:
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Many of the concerns you all bring up about specific pastors can be addressed and answered by good pastoral peer-level accountability.

1.God ordains church authority (all authority in fact - see Romans 13:1).

Church government is like the engine and transmission that runs a church. You don't see how the power train works, but it's there. You had better check under the hood before you invest!

Many of the posts and comments on this blog (I'm Speaking Truth) have been leveled at so-called pastors who have NO peer-level accountability. They are the sole authority in their church. In some cases they personally OWN the church property purchased with offerings! They are self-authorized. They have usurped church ‘authority’ by only being authorized by another false teacher. That engine is bound to be a lemon.

Biblical church government is important.

What is Church Government?
Church government refers to a)how authority is applied b) how decisions are made and c)how discipline is carried out.

How Authority is Applied
In reference to finding a pastor, ask, "Is he under the authority and accountability of a biblically sound authorizing group?"

Some authorizing bodies are a sham. Some people get their pastoral credentials over the internet in 10 minutes, some from institutions of suspect quality. And yet other authorizing bodies require a pastor to be a trained professional with preference to graduates from accredited theological institutions. In my denomination, a pastor is required to pass rigorous exams similar to what a lawyer or accountant must pass in order to practice.

How Decisions are Made
A personal illustration. I wanted to plant a church after going to seminary. I had been ordained and served on staff at a biblically sound but independent church (yes there are a some, but they are rare). If I planted a church associated with this independent church, I would be independent in all decisions and only accountable to the level that I desired to be accountable.

I didn’t trust my sin-sick heart to lead an independent church.

I don't trust myself to make wise, biblically sound decisions all the time - all by myself. I don't think anyone should be put in that position of power and authority. Even if you can go faster with a church leadership structure like that, you are just asking for transmission failure while you're going 70mph!
So I sought and found a denomination that has not only high training standards but also high accountability for pastors and requires shared decision-making. I am not the ONLY person with a vote - and that is a good thing for me and for the people of our church!

How Discipline is Carried Out
What happens when someone sins so significantly that they should no longer lead a church? Does anything happen?

Actual, functional grace-driven church discipline must remove people from office, lead them to repentance, seek to reconcile them and restore them. If it is to be biblical.

Another personal observation.
Prior to joining this church association, I heard stories and later met people who have been disciplined. And they were grateful, humble after being led through the process of church discipline. I am impressed. Matthew 18 can be done. Pastors can be protected, shepherded and disciplined if needed. Wow. I wish I could say more. But I can't because we don't gossip about discipline situations.

All that to say, you should look at each pastor's accountability (not just the names of their schools and associations on a website) and church government. Ask the following:
- Where did he get his or her credentials?
- To whom is he accountable in the church and above the church?
- Who gets a real vote on church decisions?
- Are godly people supervising the pastors? Do they have actual, hands-on biblical authority to address the problems you may see and comment on in a blog?

Here is a hard fact.
No one who looks on from a distance or sits in the pews of a church can (or should) exercise direct authority over any pastor. Properly done, biblical authority comes from God, to a governing/authorizing ecclesiastical body, to a pastor for a local church. This is God's design to promote His glory and lead His people.

Church folk are called by God to submit to authority (Romans 13:1) even if authority is a Roman emperor or a pastor you don’t particularly care for after you get to know him.

Some church members have the privilege of voting on some church decisions. If you just attend, all you can do is pray and comment appropriately (There is a difference between confronting sin and gossiping. 2 Corinthians 12:20-21).

YOU are responsible to God and your family for the one under whom you place yourself. Actual church authorities have to enforce accountability.

My reaction to one sermon can't be the end of my homework.
Part of searching for a good, solid church is to check out whether the church government above the church is trustworthy too. Look under the hood before you enter into a covenant relationship with a church and its pastor.

I'm working and praying for the day when biblically-oriented folk join in with churches that have biblical authority and biblical discipline in addition to biblical doctrine in the pastors' sermons. Then the wolves in sheep's clothing will have much fewer sheep to deceive!