Monday, January 26, 2009
a momentary epiphany of profundity
Is this what I am aiming for? A moment of profundity? My 15 minutes in the spotlight? In many ways, I'm afraid so. Deep in my heart I am shallow.
I read this line 'a momentary epiphany of profundity' in a posted review of Lauryn Hill's 'Miseducation' on Reformed Blacks of America and the poignancy of the phrase struck home.
See I had been subtly been shaking my head at this young woman's deconstructionist patchwork of ideologies and personalities when it struck me that I do the same thing. I try to cobble together the cool and appealing ideas and positions along with my version of Christianity to make up my persona. I am wooed by our cultural tide even as I try to fight it. Like a boogie board alone in the surf, I lurch and jump when I am loosed.
YET God's law and the Holy Spirit are good and right to point out my sin so clearly. I am so judgmental. I think I know it all. Then I want justification so I speak and write and blog mostly so just maybe at some point someone will think I'm profound. At least just for a minute. I try to get my life from what people think - EVEN though He's convinced me that He is my Rock.
I sell out my Rock and my Deliverer for a patch of gravel on the sand. And then wonder why it hurts when I land on reality beach.
Thank You Lord for your mercy and long suffering with me. Thank you for revealing Your Word to my broken yet prideful heart. You are my Rock and my Deliverer and my Only Comfort in life. In You will I trust.