I think I'm really good with counting. I consistently save up my goodness in accounts in my head. I add the matching funds from affirmations from others I respect. I gladly throw in the profit I see from my plans. All in hopes that I'm in for a comfy retirement on my own merits.
And God continually messes up my counting!
God gives. He doesn't pay back. God gives me opportunity to trust in Him. He won't let me earn what Jesus Christ has already paid for and grants to me by faith alone. That is the good part of brokenness. Not so good for counting my own righteousness.
So I'm hoping in Jesus' rich, glorious inheritance that is already bought and paid for - and already in me. His accounting is far better than what I can ask or imagine.
Today I'm going to count like God counts (one excerpt below). And see if God doesn't just heal up some of this brokenness.
I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which [God] has called you [Broken Pastor], the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints [including you], 19and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power [that is already in you] is like the working of his mighty strength, 20which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms... Ephesians 1:18-20