Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Free iPod Touch is Crazy
A friend of mine came by the house the other day because he said the Lord told him to tell me that He (God) really loves me and that He (God) wanted me to know that He loves me. To experience it, deeply and with joy. And then the friend gave me an iPod Touch and said it was from God.
Yeah, that is crazy. My kids were shocked. Most people I tell this story are shocked not that God told someone to give me an iPod Touch, but that someone would actually do it.
I was shocked that God loves me and sent someone to tell me
See I have a real hard time accepting love that I didn't deserve. I'm more comfortable with working hard to make people like me and keeping them liking me. Well, I shouldn't say 'comfortable' because it is slavishly painful, but it is certainly more familiar.
And as a pastor, my feelings constantly associate being abandoned by people leaving the church. I'd rather them fight with me, get angry or something - but leaving is the worst. I'd actually rather perform so well that everyone stays and serves alongside me.
The fear of being left or rejected again presses on - even in the middle of great things happening in the church. But I didn't earn it. So I'm not happy in God's love.
Pretty pitiful. Thank God He has compassion on the broken
O God, help me receive Your love that is more than enough for rebellious hearts that want to earn and prove and fight You for the right to merit everything. Mercy!
LORD You are SO good and faithful. Thank You for your mercy and grace!